Distress Drill
by mmouse15
Summary: Ironhide and Optimus learn about Earth with Jazz's unique help.  Pre-TF07 story.


Title: Distress Drill  
>Prompt: IronhideOptimus "damsel in distress"

* * *

><p>"Are you sure about this?"<p>

"I promise, Ironhide, that you will have fun with this." Jazz said, hooking a cable from Teletraan into Ironhide's helm.

Ironhide merely grunted and settled deeper into the chair. His weapons were off-line and his systems were now wired to give responses to his avatar in the virtual world Jazz had designed as a training exercise for he and Optimus. Jazz was running the program, Ratchet was monitoring him and Optimus, and he was looking forward to having a chance to refine his capabilities with the data from this new world that Bumblebee was investigating on the ground and Jazz was learning about from the electronic signals that blanketed this planet.

"I'm ready," Optimus said, stretching out, "hook me in, Jazz."

Jazz moved away from Ironhide to connect Optimus into the main computer. Ironhide lay back, shutting off his optics. Ratchet moved closer, checking to make sure all the connections were properly made and Ironhide was essentially helpless, all reflexes off-lined and channeled into the avatar. Satisfied, Ratchet went to check on Optimus and Ironhide waited.

A ping hit his firewalls, and he acknowledged and opened the requested gateway.

He opened his optics, finding himself in a bright glade, a star's bright rays illuminating the area and dappling where the foliage edged the clearing. Ironhide spun around quickly, cataloging what he saw and rapidly sorting them into threat/weapon/escape catagories.

There were no threats. The large plants could be used as weapons if Ironhide tore them from their places embedded in the soil. There was no visible escape route, but when Ironhide did another turn, shifting to the other spectrums, he spotted a hollow in the rock.

The only feature that didn't make any sense was a stone tower in the center of the clearing. Ironhide stomped over to it and began circling it, searching for a way in. The stone was blank, featureless, with no visible egress. Ironhide began tapping, searching for hollow spots. A single window, high up the tower, just below the sloped roof, was the only opening he could see.

He heard something and froze, waiting. There was tapping coming back to him. He tapped again, the beginning of a sparkling rhyme. The ending was tapped back at him. He grinned, and plunged his hand into the stone up high, pulling himself up, then shoving his other hand up higher. He kicked his feet into the stone and slowly pulled himself up toward the window in this manner.

When he reached the window, he peered in.

Optimus was tied up, spread out against the far wall. He'd managed to wriggle one of his feet loose and was tapping the heel against the wall. Ironhide grinned and clambered into the room.

"Well, Prime, fancy meeting you here." Ironhide's laughter thrummed through his voice.

Optimus glared at him, and didn't say anything. Coming closer, Ironhide peered at the facemask covering Optimus' mouth. The facemask was solid, and Optimus' voice was muffled behind it, difficult to hear and so very quiet.

"Get me out of here."

Ironhide nodded and looked over the bonds holding Optimus to the wall. He put his hands around one shackle and pulled.

Nothing happened. Ironhide glared, then placed one of his cannons next to the cuff and fired.

The wall exploded outward, freeing Optimus' hand. Ironhide shot out the wall next to Optimus' feet next, then the final hand. Optimus stood, free from the wall but not the shackles themselves. Ironhide pulled Optimus to the window and they jumped out, landing in a cloud of dust. Ironhide pulled Optimus toward the hidden cave then faced out, glaring back at the tower.

It was no longer a tower; it was a Decepticon gestalt, the window turning into a toothy grin as the enormous mech shambled toward them.

Ironhide fired both cannons, moving out and prepared to do battle.

The golem collapsed into a heap of stone, and Ironhide stared at it, dumbfounded.

The world swirled and Ironhide found himself at the foot of an enormous plant that climbed into the sky. Sighing, Ironhide began to pull himself up, using the stalks of the gigantic leaves as steps to climb the trunk of the plant.

As he climbed higher and higher, he found himself in a thicker atmosphere, moisture beading on his armor. He switched his optics to broaden the spectrum, alert to the danger of his position.

Finally he reached the top of the plant and the top of the cloud. Hesitantly, he set one foot on the cloud. It held, and he stepped off, still holding onto the plant with one hand. He sank slightly, but did not fall through. He scanned, and there was nothing below him but gaseous elements.

Mentally shrugging at whatever Jazz had set up, Ironhide let go of the plant and turned around to assess the situation.

An enormous building made of stone loomed over him. Ironhide rolled his eyes and headed toward the building, figuring that since it was the only feature it must be where his exercise was to occur.

As he approached the door, he realised how massive it was. More than large enough to fit Omega Supreme, the guardian of Cybertron, the door was twenty times his own height. Fortunately, it was open, since Ironhide wasn't sure he would be able to move the door itself. Quietly, he snuck in, keeping close to the wall and any shadows he could find.

After a short hallway, the walls opened into a large room, with a massive fire at one end and a table with chairs around it. There were large pieces of furniture against the walls, some holding foodstuffs and others holding pieces of crockery and other dishes for cooking and eating.

Optimus was in a cage on one of the dressers, his hands bound and a cloth gag around his face. He spotted Ironhide and swiveled, looking toward the fire.

An enormous creature was bent over the fire, stirring something in a pot hung on a hook over the open flames. It muttered to itself as it cooked.

Ironhide found a crack between two stones large enough to fit into and wedged himself in the crevice. It was just in time, too, as another creature entered through the door and roared at the first one. The first one answered in an angry tone, and they screeched at each other as crockery was banged down on the table and the second one sat to eat before the first one. The first one continued to harangue the second one even after it sat down to eat, but the second one, happy to be fed, merely grunted in reply.

After finishing his meal, the second one pushed away his dishes and reached over for Optimus' cage, snagging in and setting it on the table before him. He opened the cage and reached in, pulling Optimus out and setting him on the table.

The first one bit something short but nasty out at the second one, then stood and grabbed all the dishes, taking them into a corner and doing something out of Ironhide's line of sight.

The second one slid the gag off Optimus and sat back, waiting. Optimus opened his mouth and song poured out, a haunting old Cybertronian melody that twisted through Ironhide's spark, sorrow and distress trailing the notes as dust trailed the hem of a cloak. Ironhide fought back the pain, the grief that imbued the song.

The creature seemed to feel nothing, settling in his chair more deeply and keeping his eyes fastened on Optimus.

Optimus sang for a long time, until the first creature came back and picked him up, putting the gag back over his mouth and tucking him back in his cage before poking the second creature and helping him stagger through another doorway. It came back and banked the fire, checked that the door was closed, and blew out the lights scattered around the room before taking one light back through the door and down a hallway.

Ironhide waited until it was completely quiet before extricating himself from his hole. He made his way over to the table's leg and began climbing. The most difficult part was the top, because the edge of the table extended past the leg. Ironhide had to reach over his head and find a crack, making his hand into a fist and having it hold his entire weight as he reached with the other hand for the edge. It was difficult, but he finally made it to the edge and swung himself up, landing lightly on the top.

Optimus was watching him intently as he made his way over to the cage. It was a simple lock and so large that Ironhide could simple press the tumblers until the lock clicked and the door swung free.

Optimus stepped out and Ironhide reached for the gag, but stopped when Optimus' bound hands grabbed his own. Optimus shook his head and held out his hands instead. Ironhide worked the fiber binding, finally getting it untangled and letting it drop free.

They made their way to the edge, and Ironhide pulled out a grappling hook, setting it in the edge of the table and offering it to Optimus, who took it and rappelled his way down the line to the floor. Ironhide then swung over the edge and worked the hook free before making his way to the leg and climbing down that way.

Reunited on the floor, Ironhide and Optimus made their way to the door where a crack allowed them to wriggle out. Ironhide walked straight ahead, his internal positioning sensors indicating where the plant came up. He guided Optimus, still gagged, to the plant and guided him into climbing down.

While they were still climbing down, they heard a roar, a howl of outrage and frustration. Soon thereafter, the plant began to tremble. Ironhide and Optimus sped up, taking leaps down to lower branches and clambering down as quickly as they could. Once they were at the bottom, Ironhide dismounted both cannons and slammed them together into one giant cannon, a weapon of immense power. Ironhide set himself and fired at the plant.

It trembled, but held, and Ironhide fired again and again, grinding through the thick trunk of the plant until it creaked and began to fall over, a scream from above them indicating that the giant creature had followed them and was riding the plant down to the ground.

Optimus ripped the gag off and began singing a song of praise and thanksgiving. Baffled, Ironhide asked, "Can't you talk?"

Optimus shook his head, still singing, and the scene once again swirled before them.

Ironhide opened his optical shutters to find himself on the _Ark_, still hooked into Teletraan and with Jazz's face hovering over him.

"What was that?" growled Ironhide.

"Didja like it? They're called fairy tales!" Jazz was gleeful as he always was when he'd discovered a new culture and was exploring it.

"What are they? " Ironhide helped remove cables as soon as his motor functions were returned to his body.

"They're stories for sparklings, teaching stories but they're fun. I thought you'd like them!" Jazz said.

"Next time, Ironhide gets to be the damsel in distress." Optimus opined from his berth.

"Deal!" Jazz laughed.

The end!


End file.
